Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i out mim tonsoeep
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