I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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