So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
