I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize