i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
