so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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