Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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