Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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