hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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