Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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