I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
