I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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