i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
