her vagine was all disorganized.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
