i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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