R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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