god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
