I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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