1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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