come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
