He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
