Porn is love you can see.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
