Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Randomize
