Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
