and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
