i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
