Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's blow job season.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
