every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
