When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
