Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
