do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
