I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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