I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
