she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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