I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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