He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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