Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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