I wish you could order shots online.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize