I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
