"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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