So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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