Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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