I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
