Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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