You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
farters have to be the big spoon...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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