Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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