No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I looked at my own cervix.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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