My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
