i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
