Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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