i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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