I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
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All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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