I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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