I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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