wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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