We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
