apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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