We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
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How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
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