How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
