the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
