Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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