no, he came in my armpit
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
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i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
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I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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