i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
