So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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