Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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