Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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