Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
