dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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