Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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