what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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