Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
