Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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