Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
