I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
