clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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